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* Self Improvement and Personal Growth Weekly Newsletter *
Issue # 526, Week of October 6-7, 2008
Publisher: David Riklan - http://www.SelfGrowth.com
In this issue:
-- Quotes of the Week
-- Recommended Product of the Week
-- Article: Are Your Friends Hurting Your Relationship? - By Dr. Richard Nicastro
-- Article: The Pleasures of Grandma's Memories - By Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
-- Book Review: Me, Myself, and Why? The Secrets to Navigating Change - By Lisa A. Mininni
-- Brief News of the World
-- How to Subscribe and Unsubscribe from this Newsletter
Current Subscribers - 271,450 subscribers
Removal instructions are listed at the end of the newsletter.
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*** Quotes of the Week ***
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Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. - Henry Ward Beecher, 1813-1887, American Preacher/Orator/Writer
Action itself, so long as I am convinced that it is right action, gives me satisfaction. - Jawaharlal Nehru, 1889-1964, Indian Nationalist and Statesman The language of friendship is not words but meanings. - Henry David Thoreau, 1817-1862, American Author/Critic/Naturalist
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*** Recommended Product of the Week *** ------------------------------------------------------------
* Activate Your Free Membership in our SelfGrowth.com Community *
Join the largest support network of people interested in Self Improvement! Do you want to... * Meet thousands of other like-minded men and women who want to improve their lives? * Learn from experts on success, relationships, finances, health, and spirituality? * Participate in forums, chats, and social networking with people dedicated to personal and business success? * Share your ideas, beliefs, products, and services with tens of thousands of SelfGrowth.com members and visitors? If the answer to any of these questions is YES, then a free SelfGrowth.com membership is for you. To join today, go to http://www.selfgrowth.com/membership9.html
------------------------------------------------------------ *** Article: Are Your Friends Hurting Your Relationship? - By Dr. Richard Nicastro *** ------------------------------------------------------------
You exist within a web of relationships. For instance, if your friend is going through tough times, you may find yourself feeling an emotional heaviness throughout the day, thinking and worrying about your friend. As this colors your mood, your partner may start to notice that lately you've been preoccupied and down. Since emotions are contagious, this will impact your partner in some way, and her/his interactions with others may now be different as a result of what your friend shared with you. How is this relevant to your marriage or relationship? Your relationship exists within a larger social context, and your friends, coworkers, family, and even the society in which you live can directly or indirectly impact your relationship. Think of your relationship as one link on a never-ending chain of connectedness. This was evident with two couples I recently coached: * A brief story of relationship isolation: Tad and Wanda have lived together for a little over a year and during a recent coaching session, Wanda complained that "all of our friends seem to be getting divorced or breaking up. It's depressing and makes me think there's something wrong with me for trying to make my relationship work. When I try to talk to my friends about a fight I had with Tad, they just tell me to 'find someone better-suited to you,' or 'relationships are overrated anyway.' The whole 'there are lots of fish in the sea' mindset isn't helpful when I'm trying to make my relationship work now." Tad and Wanda lack the couple-to-couple support that is vital for a sustainable, long-term relationship. They both struggle with feeling like the "oddball couple" in a sea of failed relationships (and they don't have any single friends who are pro-relationship) -- and both acknowledged that this was starting to negatively impact their union. * A brief story of marital support: Molly and Jeff have been together for eleven years. Both are retired and have been active participants in their local community and volunteer for numerous causes. This involvement has offered them opportunities to develop friendships and socialize with other couples. Molly joked that their friends "saved our marriage on at least two occasions" because of the support they offered Molly. She shared, "If Jeff and I are going through a difficult time, for whatever reason, I don't feel alone. I have at least two other women I can talk to who have been through difficult times, but they're still happily married...I know I'm not alone in my struggles, and that makes a world of difference. And I have a few single friends who are supportive of my relationship and committed relationships in general, even though they're not in one now. All that encouragement among my friends really helps whenever I start to worry that the challenges of a romantic relationship might be too much for me." The Need for Relationship Support Couples love to hear about other couples who have successful relationships. Have you ever noticed how people in relationships are happy to learn that a famous couple is in it for the long haul? Many couples feel validated to discover that their favorite movie star or musician has resisted the temptations that come with fame and are committed to one person. Notice your reaction the next time you hear that people you know and/or admire are splitting up. Couples root for other couples -- there is an unspoken, cosmic connection, a sense that we're in this together. If Brad and Angelina can make their relationship work, and your neighbors and friends can make their relationships work, you end up feeling more hopeful that you can make your own work. Seek Out Relationship Support Relationship support comes in many forms, and the first step is to look in your own backyard. Make a list of all the individuals and couples you know and admire: family, friends, teachers, community leaders, local organizations, or church members. You might be surprised to learn that there are people in your life that have been married or together for a long time (and feel lucky to be with the same person). These couples can be an emotional resource for you and your partner. Would you consider asking them about their relationship, especially what has worked for them? Are you willing to seek their support when you (or your partner) need advice or guidance? We all need relationship mentors -- couples who have successfully navigated the complicated interpersonal terrain that comes with committed relationships. This doesn't mean you should overlook friends not currently in relationships as potential sources of support. Often single friends who understand and celebrate you and your relationship can be a safe place to go to when you need a different perspective or just need to vent. Don't overlook the vast relationship wisdom that surrounds you. Many couples like spending time with other couples. If most of your friends seem to be in dire relationship straits, or your friends' values regarding commitment differ from your own, you need to expand your social network -- seek out couples you and your partner can socialize with, couples dedicated to making their own relationships work. The goal of expanding your couples-support-system doesn't mean you have to abandon your current friends because they aren't in a relationship or their relationship is in trouble -- it means that you enrich your circle of friends to include those that believe in the benefit of a long-term, committed relationship and will help support you in yours. It might seem like a paradox that you can be with someone you deeply love yet still feel isolated. Often couples assume feeling isolated means there is something wrong with their relationship -- while this can be an indication that there are problems that need to be addressed, it can also be an indication that your relationship is surrounded by negativity and a lack of support. No matter how strong your relationship might seem, you and your partner do not exist in a vacuum. When you establish the goal of building a support network for your relationship, you have taken an important step in buffering the damaging effects of relationship-isolation. ***** Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be? To discover more relationship tips, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter. As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you." About the Author: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife, Lucia, founded LifeTalk Coaching, an Internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships. Check out the Experts page for Richard Nicastro, the Official SelfGrowth.com Guide to Intimacy: http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/richard_nicastro.html
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* Activate Your Free Membership in our SelfGrowth.com Community *
Join the largest support network of people interested in Self Improvement! Do you want to... * Meet thousands of other like-minded men and women who want to improve their lives? * Learn from experts on success, relationships, finances, health, and spirituality? * Participate in forums, chats, and social networking with people dedicated to personal and business success? * Share your ideas, beliefs, products, and services with tens of thousands of SelfGrowth.com members and visitors? If the answer to any of these questions is YES, then a free SelfGrowth.com membership is for you. To join today, go to http://www.selfgrowth.com/membership9.html ------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------ *** Article: The Pleasures of Grandma's Memories - By Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein *** ------------------------------------------------------------
Each season requires special behaviors and activities on our part to optimize for ourselves living a purposeful and happy life. We actually have to practice our positive emotions, just as the champion tennis player practices her swing. We have to try to use our mental capacities as fully as possible, our cognitive capacities for thought, and our emotional capacity to practice positive feelings and emotions. Actually, if we allow it, the seasons help us to live a full and meaningful life. The seasons even give us the 'recipes for happiness' that we can cook up if we just look around us and recognize what each time of year has to offer. For example, autumn is a season of memory for most of us. Most people have attended the next grade in school growing up, as the first years begin to fall. For myself, not only do the turning leaves, the sight of a pumpkin, and the fresh, crisp, clear smell of a cool day conjure up positive memories of childhood, but symbols tied into traditions also inspire me. For many, the major symbols of a fall holiday are not until Halloween pumpkins begin to appear. But for those of us who are Jewish, the traditional symbols of our fall holidays almost always stir up good feelings and memories. In my case, I'm talking about positive memories that were not personally mine, but nevertheless I lived through them by my grandmother's telling me of her childhood. Every year I would make my grandmother tell me about the Sukkots they had when she was growing up in Chelsea, Massachusetts. The Sukkah is a hut or a room where the roof can be partly opened so that you can see the sky and the stars. Sukkots go back to biblical times. For the Jews, they represent memories of their wandering through the desert protected by clouds of glory. My grandmother was the oldest of nine. They lived in a lovely home that my great-grandfather had built. Her best friend built the house next door, and it was a mirror image of my great-grandfather Isaac's home! Every fall when it was time for Sukkot, an eight-day festival, my great-grandfather would roll back a tin ceiling that was attached to a pulley system in the kitchen. Once that was rolled back, branches were laid across the open space, and the children would hang vegetables and fruits from the branches. And so their Sukkah was created. For my grandmother, it was a happy time, a week filled with treats and special delicious foods, like honey and apples, and sharing her father's lap with one or two other children. She always looked happy when she talked about her Sukkah. I grew up in the modem era. My parents moved away from these traditions, and I hadn't even had the experience of walking into a Sukkah. However, there was something powerful and magnetic about my grandmother's memories. In a sense, they were transferred to me as beacons of light of things I had yet to experience. For many years, our neighbors and our family have built a little Sukkah. It has three sides with an open roof. The boys go across to the lake and find bamboo branches, and we string them up and then hang decorations. We've had friends over, as well as my parents, and we sit outside in the mellow autumn evening. One day as the Sukkot was drawing to a close, I sat alone one afternoon having a cup of coffee in the Sukkah. The weather was glorious, and everything around me seemed to be in perfect harmony. I felt so close to my grandmother and her memories. Her positive memories had finally come to fruition. I thought, "Look Grandma, I'm really sitting in a Sukkah!" It's important to realize that we have access to many positive memories, not only those that we ourselves have experienced. Our minds are magical and can take the happiness and stories of others and build from them, if we give ourselves half a chance. Take a few moments and, instead of perhaps feeling sad or disappointed for something you never got to experience yourself in your life, think about a wonderful experience that someone else told you about. See if you can let their positive memories find a home in your memory bank. Happy sharing of positive memories! About the Author: Dr. Holstein is the originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF(R) and a positive psychologist in private practice since 1981. She is the author of "The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy," "Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU!," "Delight," and now "The Truth (I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything)."
Dr. Holstein speaks on radio and appears on television in New York and New Jersey. Her website is located at http://www.enchantedself.com. She gives lectures, seminars, and teleclasses, and her quotes appear often in national magazines. She has a weekly radio show called "Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist Looks at All Three." Check out the Experts page for Barbara Becker Holstein, the Official SelfGrowth.com Guide to Positive Psychology: http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/barbara_becker_holstein.html
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* Activate Your Free Membership in our SelfGrowth.com Community *
Join the largest support network of people interested in Self Improvement! Do you want to... * Meet thousands of other like-minded men and women who want to improve their lives? * Learn from experts on success, relationships, finances, health, and spirituality? * Participate in forums, chats, and social networking with people dedicated to personal and business success? * Share your ideas, beliefs, products, and services with tens of thousands of SelfGrowth.com members and visitors? If the answer to any of these questions is YES, then a free SelfGrowth.com membership is for you. To join today, go to http://www.selfgrowth.com/membership9.html ------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------ *** Book Review: Me, Myself, and Why? The Secrets to Navigating Change - By Lisa A. Mininni ***
------------------------------------------------------------ Coaching books usually fall into two categories. I call these categories "Lists of Tips" and "Lots of Revelations."
About halfway into "Me, Myself, and Why? The Secrets to Navigating Change," I realized coach Lisa Mininni has written a book that combines the best of both those worlds. In addition to sharing insights from her own experience and observations, she provides the tools needed to overcome the behaviors and attitudes that keep us stuck in places we really don't want to be.
Mininni's common-sense approach involves first getting to the heart of what drives us, then learning how to use those motivators to keep us from getting stalled when we need to move forward. Her "Self-Reflection" moments, sprinkled throughout the book, provide unique, thought-provoking questions to help the reader apply each chapter's lessons in a meaningful way. In the most intriguing portion of the book, Mininni creates a series of characters to illustrate traits, beliefs, and behaviors, rather than just describing them. You'll find yourself and people you know in "Audacious Adam," "Juggler Jane," "Analytical Ann," and others whose fictional lives prove quite revealing.
After each profile, Mininni lists a series of questions to help readers make the leap between the character and self-identification, then offers specific strategies for change.
Mininni draws on some of her own personal journey, as well the experiences of others to illustrate the book's concepts and keep this an interesting read. But take it slowly, because it's important to do the work of answering the questions and reflecting on how these concepts apply to your own life.
And that's where you'll find all those Revelations. --Joni Hubred-Golden, forum-online.info *****
When you buy your copy of "Me, Myself, and Why?" you'll get access to a great Bonus Gift Package! Learn more at http://www.selfgrowth.com/products/mininni.html The list price of this book is $18.87. To purchase it from Amazon.com, go here. ------------------------------------------------------------ *** Brief News of the World *** ------------------------------------------------------------ Positive: * Newton-John: Hopelessly Devoted to Cause -- Singer & Breast Cancer Survivor Releases New CD to Raise Funds for Australian Cancer Wellness Center * Like her legendary character Sandy in "Grease," singer/actress Olivia Newton-John really became a pink lady, but this time it's for the fight against breast cancer. As a breast cancer survivor and now a major breast cancer crusader, Newton-John sat down with Early Show co-anchor Maggie Rodriguez and discussed her battle with breast cancer as well as her new CD, "A Celebration In Song: Olivia Newton-John & Friends," which includes duets with Richard Marx, Keith Urban and Barry Gibb, among others. (Click here for complete news story) * James Earl Jones to get SAG life achievement award * James Earl Jones, who has voiced some of entertainment's most memorable characters, will receive the 2008 Screen Actors Guild Life Achievement Award. SAG President Alan Rosenberg called Jones "a vocal presence without peer" and lauded his TV, film and stage work. "His long and quiet devotion to advancing literacy, the arts and humanities on a national and local scale deserves our appreciation," Rosenberg said Thursday. (Click here for complete news story) * Surgery Fine-Tunes Legendary Banjo Player's Brain: Eddie Adcock Played Banjo While in Surgery Till Hands Were Just Right * Eddie Adcock's fast picking and unconventional style made him world famous as a bluegrass banjo innovator. But when tremors took over his once dexterous hands, he lost the ability to play the music he loved. Now, thanks to an incredible brain surgery, during which Adcock was awake and playing the banjo until the doctors got it just right, he can turn his talent back on, literally at the push of a button. (Click here for complete news story) ** For more positive news, please visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/news.html Other: * 3 European scientists share Nobel medicine prize * Three European scientists shared the 2008 Nobel Prize in medicine on Monday for separate discoveries of viruses that cause AIDS and cervical cancer, breakthroughs that helped doctors fight the deadly diseases. French researchers Francoise Barre-Sinoussi and Luc Montagnier were cited for their discovery of human immunodeficiency virus, or HIV; while Germany's Harald zur Hausen was honored for finding human papilloma viruses that cause cervical cancer, the second most common cancer among women. (Click here for complete news story) * Tree power could save forests from fires: Researchers were able to harvest enough energy to power small sensors * Tree power might sound like a hippie battle cry, but scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have literally tapped into the tiny electrical current carried in trees and created a company, Voltree, to capitalize on it as a power source. "People have known about this phenomena for many years and have tried to explain it by various exotic mechanisms," said Andreas Mershin, a postdoctoral researcher at MIT who is involved in the research. (Click here for complete news story) * Lying about your age? A computer can tell: New program, although imperfect, could one day thwart underage drinkers * How well can you hide your age? Computer scientists at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign have developed a software program that estimates age based solely on someone's facial appearance, suggesting that in the near future you won't be able to fool either Mother Nature or that video camera verifying your ID at the local bar. (Click here for complete news story)
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